My Experience with Body Shaming

Let me start by stating the obvious, all women are beautiful with their varying forms.  Our individual physical appearance and style is part of a larger package that makes each of us unique and interesting. Let's face it, if every one of us met the same beauty standard then none of us would be remarkable.

HERE COMES MY RANT - If a woman is comfortable wearing clothing that accentuates or displays a certain part of her body then that is her decision to make. As long as she is respectful of the general public and her environment, then she should be fine with wearing things that accentuate the things she believes make her more appealing and attractive. On the other hand, if you are the type of person who feels the need to complain about a display of shoulders, cleavage, legs, or butt, perhaps you need to address your own underlying issue.  Maybe you have insecurity issues and it makes you feel better about yourself to belittle others (by the way, that's called bullying).  Maybe you used to be a hottie and thirty years later you no longer see that sexy reflection in the mirror so the little green monster of jealousy takes hold now and then.  Then again, maybe you are just an ugly person inside with a soul that belies your outward appearance.

My rant has a lot to do with my adventure at a Ren Faire this past weekend. While the Faire itself was a lot of fun I cannot help but feel the levity of the weekend was overshadowed by an incident in which I felt body shamed because my pirate gear is a bit provocative…OK,  OK, truth is it involves a corset which usually hoists the “girls” to my chin. 

Implying that another woman needs to “rethink her wardrobe choices” because it does not confirm to your personal standard is a form of body shaming!  What a woman chooses to wear tells you nothing about her character, her life history, or what she has hidden deep in the closet of her anxieties.  Monday can be sexy & fitted, Tuesday classic & conservative, Wednesday trendy & fun…the choice is hers!

Here’s a quick newsflash…I am very happy with myself and my appearance.  I am a 45 year old woman who feels comfortable putting my body in pinup attire, pirate gear, and cosplay.  This is the body God gave me and at this point in my life I have no complaints and, for the most part, the public I encounter seems to appreciate it.  But to those who would seek to make me feel bad because I am proud of my appearance, do not assume to know anything about my past journey and how I have come to be where I am.  There was a time in my life that I was NOT comfortable in my own skin.  I have lived through a time when my skin made me feel like a monster.  When people stared, pointed and even harassed me based on my outward appearance.  During that time nothing ever showed! I would not even wear short sleeves.  A lot has changed but I still feel the painful sting of that period of my life.

 

I emerged on the other side of my personal "dark ages" with the ability to see other women who are battling with their own imperfections and the struggle they go through to feel whole.  That struggle, no matter the reason, is the underlying purpose for which I created The Memphettes Social Society, a place where women can meet and interact and not feel judged.

Yes, this incident bothered me.  I let it get under my skin and fester.  Partly because my goal for The Memphettes is to encourage other women to feel empowered by their uniqueness and partly because it made me feel embarrassed about my own appearance. Don't let what others think about you bother you, right?  I wish it was that easy.  Even on my strongest days my long buried self-loathing can rear up like a monster if it hears the right words. But I have to put it down, repeatedly slaying my own dragons, I guess.  To be the target of the very thing I am working to help other women overcome is more of a heartbreak than it is a down right insult.  We all owe it to one another, not only as women but as humans, to think before we speak.  We have no shields or armor that can deflect the arrows of unkind words and the damage they are intended to inflict.  Never assume you know someone's story or anything about them based on what they wore out of the house today.  And most of all, remember what mama always said “if you can’t say something nice keep your damn mouth closed!”