Just a quick reminder / rant as we enter into official “holiday party
season”…The definition of social graces is “skills used to interact politely in social situations. They include manners, etiquette (the specific accepted rules within a culture for the application of universal manners), deportment, fashion and refinement (also known as sophistication).”
Etiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior
according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class,
or group.
Let me start this post by LOSING all my social grace, poise and
etiquette and say “What the FUCK is wrong with people!!”…OK I’m better now!
As you have read I involve myself with a group ladies call The
Memphettes. It is our mission to
support, uplift and encourage one another.
However, there is a line which is occasionally crossed, in which my support
seems to go right out the window. That
line is where there is a total lack of basic social graces.
First you need to understand social grace is about self-awareness and
knowing how you and your actions are perceived by others. I know, I know you like to think you don’t
care what other people think about you.
You also know that is NOT TRUE.
As humans we are almost obsessive about it. We get our feelings hurt when we find out a
certain person does not like us and want to understand why. Perhaps, the reason
can be redirected back to how you interacting with these people.
As my group hosts and attends many events I have noticed too often as
we interact with ladies from different trying to relate to one another there
seems to be a lack of basic social graces.
Sometimes that is due to different lifestyles and sometimes that is due
to age and inexperience.
So now let’s observe a few basic rules for going out with friends. All of which should be common sense but obviously
are not. This is by no means a
comprehensive list but the “4-year olds” guide version!
- Cell Phone Etiquette – STOP texting or checking social media all the
time. Please do not take calls while you
are at dinner or events unless it is an emergency. If you do not have enough self-control to stop
playing with the phone don’t make plans with friends. As you laying on your phone you are leaving
your “friend” sitting bored. Are you
aware it sends the distinctive message you do not want to be there spending
time with them? If you do not want to be
there and have to check your phone as a distraction you do not need to make the
plans to begin with. Netflix offers a better
level of involvement.
- If you are scheduled to be somewhere in which people will be waiting
for you to arrive please arrive on time.
This is an area I need to work on myself. We all like to think our time is important
but so is the time of others.
- Practice good table manners. Does that mean mastering how to maneuver a
formal place setting? No it means observe a few basic rules to making dining with you more enjoyable.
- Conflict is inevitable and even healthy. It is all about how you handle them. Conflict should be dealt with and never
avoided. Avoiding dealing with conflicts
will only cultivate resentment and create animosity. Instead of making assumptions about your
concerns openly acknowledge them. We all
have basic problem-solving capabilities however when it comes to relationships we
are ready to write off people based on what we think a behavior means. Try to understand everyone’s situation is
different and show some empathy. We all
live in the same world but in totally different environments. Each of us are defined by the journey that
has brought us to this place in life.
- DO NOT EVER …repeat…DO NOT EVER flirt or handle with another woman’s partner
or spouse. (Did I really just have to
say that…yes I did!) I am constantly amazed how often other women, especially
“friends” think it is OK to paw at and flirt with another person’s partner. Do you know what creates a conflict faster
than not understanding personal boundaries ladies? NOT A DAMN THING!
- On the other side of that coin ladies, we can be classy and poised in
the way we handle this situation. Confronting another woman is not necessarily an opportunity to start a fight. I find there is an art to this type of conflict resolution. Remember being confident and assertive is not only attractive but it commands respect. I am not one for cat-fights, I have more respect for myself than that, although I do occasionally enjoy watching the world burn….to the ground. If you have attempted to handle the situation and hints are not taken then you have my permission to either unroll the stiletto out your hair or throw her designer bag across the bar…wait what!?! That never happened…or did it?
- Just because you like to talk and have a lot to say do not dominate the
conversation. Others might have
something important to contribute too. I
am an introvert in the world of extroverts.
I am reactive in conversations most of time. Ask me a question and I will answer unless of
course I am passionate about the topic.
- And finally always remember “please” and “thank you” courtesy, respect and gratitude go a long way. On a personal note…I believe in written thank you notes but it seems to be an art that is lost in this age of technology. Taking a moment to write thank you notes tells the receiver they meant more to you than just a quick text saying “THX”.
Yes, I am aware my personal opinions and beliefs are not the same as
everyone and not all people have the same moral compass as a “bar hopping
rockabilly/ gothabilly heathen”. I will
pause and let that last statement and let that sink in a bit…
So I will end with this…I try encourage the ladies in my life to live
by the “Roadhouse Rule”, to quote the late great Patrick Swayze “I want you to
be nice until it’s time to not be nice”.
