Cospositivity

Why do all my pinup cosplay's end up looking
like Snow White?

So I am reflecting on my experience returning from yet another con this weekend. I guess, truth be told, it's not just my experience, I shared it with someone close to me. 

MidSouthCon is a small local con that focuses on the talent of artists, authors, and cosplayers.  Not much in the way of big name celebrities or giant vendors, which gives it more of a hometown feel that is shared by most attendees.  The weekend is also packed full of back to back panels on anything from comics and anime to paranormal to fandoms and costuming.  This year I was interested in several of the cosplay panels.  One in particular that caught my attention was “Cospositivity” a panel about the official movement focused on promoting a safe a positive community for all cosplayers.  The panel was set to discuss hot button issues regarding size, age, and gender while offering tips on how to make your cosplay work for you.

All that being said, I did not make it to this panel. 

The reason is, I was distracted by a personal crisis, or at least what seemed to me like one.  Maybe it was more of an issue of principle that really got under my skin, but here it is.  I spent the afternoon supporting a fellow cosplayer friend who was met not by hostility, but by exclusion.  Wait, WHAT?!  Imagine this…you have spent months building your cosplay and, DAMN, it’s really good.  You show up at the event and you are having the time of your life interacting with con-goers, posing for pictures and answering questions about your build.  You see another cosplayer dressed in your same fandom and decide to go say hey and they TOTALLY IGNORE YOU! 

YEP YOU WERE JUST TOTALLY IGNORED.  This is what happened to my friend.  Not only did the other cosplayer ignore him, but responded to his presence by actively redirecting other people AWAY FROM HIM.  WTF is that about?

You might like to think this was an example of a single insecure person just being a total asshat and normally I would tend to agree.  However this is NOT an isolated incident.  Sadly I feel this has happened to the best of us.  I know it has happened to me & Miss Scarlett Fever on several occasions.  (Check out Miss Scarlett Fever pictured below with me as Kato & Batman).  I would figure us geeks and nerds would stick together but it appears not. 

Which brings me to the real topic of this post.

My success is not your failure.  I don’t know where the concept originates from but I can tell you it is a wide sweeping mentality and impacts the world of cosplay, costuming, pinup, photography, design…I guess all creative outlets really.

The success of another person does not mean you have failed.  People can appreciate you, me and twenty other people noticing the different levels of skill and creativeness showcased in each of us.  My followers and fans enjoy seeing me with the rest of The Memphettes crew and I love having “like minded” people around me.

In my “real life” I have spent a lot of time around VERY successful people and I have spent a lot of time around pseudo-celebrities.  What I have learned is truly successful people tend to celebrate the success of others.  This is an attitude I try to adopt personally…who you are does not mean near as much to me as how your actions enrich the lives of others. In the grand scheme of things there are no limitations on the number of people who can achieve success or victories, and how about next time instead of turning your nose up, try celebrating the achievements of others.

So when I hear comments about being cospositive I have to ask, are you really, or do you just want to appear open minded and accepting?  Lately it has been hard for me to tell.  Exclusion is yet another subtle way of bullying and can be just as hurtful as shaming.  When we engage in a social setting only to be excluded, it creates a loss of “sense of place”.  The basic need to belong has been taken away from us.  Parenting magazines teach us children exclude when they are seeking control.  Is this what we experienced this weekend or is it really just a case of social awkwardness?

Stepping past this particular issue, my crew had a BLAST at MidSouthCon, switching gears from pirate to comic to retro during the course of the weekend.  I enjoyed the all the panels I attended especially "Whisker Wise" and the good looking gents who presented it ;)  If I have learned one thing from my attendance at cons, it is that a single offense cannot be allowed to ruin the fun of the entire experience.  Sometimes we have to pick our pride up and dust it off before we put it back on the shelf and move along.  

By the way, I do understand that the phrase "my success is not your failure" doesn't apply in a foot race or a job promotion, but let's keep it in context and pretend I've said something prophetic and uplifting.

**Official D’elle Disclaimer**

I am VERY VERY INTROVERTED which sometimes equates me to “snob” or “bitch” for most people who do not know me.  It is this type of interaction (or lack thereof) which has left me very uncomfortable approaching other cosplayers in general.  Maybe we are all in the same boat.  If I appear to be unapproachable I am sorry and please note I am not.  I totally love meeting and interacting with other people who lead similar lifestyles.  I will also go on to say however, if I have had a negative experience with someone I will not interact with them.  Burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me.